A little less “Sixteen Candles”, a little more sanity

For those who don’t know, I frequent a wedding message board on The Knot’s website (for some of you, this is a big “duh”, but bear with me).  And twice in the last 24 hours, I’ve noticed posts written by girls who are considering taking anti-anxiety medication the morning of the wedding to calm their nerves.

I don’t pretend to be a licensed practitioner of medicine, a psychiatrist, or anyone who is medically experienced in the prescribing or distribution of drugs.  All I can offer here is a record of my own experiences with anti-anxiety medications.  And after reading these posts, and realizing how strong an opinion I have on the subject, I’m going to put forth my opinions.  You can skip, or you can read on.

Anti-anxiety medications are psychotropic drugs.  They affect the brain.  They aren’t something to be taken lightly.  In a world where many doctors hand out drugs such as Ritalin like candy to any parent who is having trouble dealing with their hyper 2-year-old, psychotropic drugs on teens or adults are where many general practitioners draw the line.  Because the effect that these drugs can have on the brain of the individual taking them can be so incredibly varied and severe, many primary care physicians (PCPs) will choose to send a patient to a licensed psychiatrist, rather than risk handing out a prescription on their own.

I was first given a diagnosis of anxiety disorder in 2005, three years before I was officially diagnosed with GAD.  I didn’t start taking medication until 2008.  When I did, it took four different prescriptions before my psychiatrist and I finally hit on the one — Cymbalta — that worked for me.  I took those four prescriptions over a period of six months, each one (with one exception) for a period of no less than three weeks.  This is what happened when I took each of them.  ** Disclaimer: the reactions I had to each pill may not be the experiences of other people who took them.  This is what I mean when I say that every single person’s reaction to a psychotropic drug is different. **

Prozac — the “happy pill”.  Prozac was the first pill my doctor put me on.  Prozac cut my anxiety attacks down by about 75%.  It cut my appetite down about 50%, and I started losing weight.  However, about two weeks in, I started experiencing vivid nightmares every single night, which would usually startle me out of sleep and scare me so badly that by the fourth week, I was an insomniac.  My quality of work plummeted when I stopped sleeping at night, and my health was affected.

Celexa — Celexa was the one exception to the three-week trial period rule.  Because within 24 hours of my first dose, I experienced vertigo and double-vision.  I fell down three times at work, I saw two of my computer screen and my coworkers, and I had to be driven home because I couldn’t even walk straight.  It was like I was drunk.  I called my doctor and he hurriedly took me off the Celexa, saying that the side affects I experienced were too abnormal for him to feel good about making me continue on it.

Wellbutrin — Wellbutrin is sometimes prescribed to mothers who are dealing with post-partum depression.  It’s known for being the drug that makes you lose weight.  I was on Wellbutrin for a month.  The anxiety attacks stopped by 100%.  The side affect?  I became so depressed that I cried every single morning upon waking up and, for the first time, seriously contemplated ending my life.  Psychotropic drugs are supposed to improve your quality of life, and for many people, this is what Wellbutrin does.  It did the opposite for me.  After one month, my doctor took me off it, and put me on Cymbalta.

Cymbalta is my own personal favorite.  Although the first few days of taking Cymbalta resulted in a general nauseous feeling, vomiting, and insomnia, I got over it quickly, and I don’t experience side effects anymore when I take it.  BUT.  I’ve known a lot of people who told me that Cymbalta either didn’t work for them at all, or gave them so many terrible side effects that they requested to be taken off of it.

And this is my point.  Taking psychotropic drugs is a serious decision. To anyone who is taking psychotropic drugs just for the hell of it, it’s probably not even worth it.  To someone who doesn’t have anxiety attacks, the idea of dealing with nausea and insomnia for a week is ridiculous.  To me, it was worth one week of general physical discomfort, if in the long run, I could live without the almost-constant anxiety attacks that I’d been suffering for throughout most of my adulthood.

One of the other suggestions I had heard was taking benzodiazepine pills such as Xanax or Valium on the day of the wedding to keep nerves at bay.  I’ll keep my own personal feelings about this to myself (mainly because they’re unprintable), and give, again, my own one-time personal experience with benzodiazepines.

I was on my way home from California with my best friend, who was taking Xanax at the time.  I don’t fly well; besides GAD, I’m also claustrophobic, and I had the bad luck to draw a window seat.  My best friend, thinking she was doing me a favor (and for that experience, I guess she was), gave me one of her Xanax pills.  I took it right before we lifted off in California…and I woke up in Connecticut.  I have no memory of the hours in between.  My doctor has told me that this is an unusual reaction to Xanax, but remember — with psychotropic drugs, every person is different.  Reactions for first-time users are completely unpredictable.

Now, is that really an experience you want to have on your wedding day?  Something like Ginny Baker in “Sixteen Candles”?  Remember, when she gets her period and she takes a muscle relaxant just before she walks down the aisle?

Oh yeah. That's every bride's dream.

Look, I’m not trying to be preachy here.  But taking ANY drug that’s going to affect your brain — be it a muscle relaxant, a SSRI, or benzodiazepines — is something you should never even consider doing without a licensed doctor’s prescription, and without taking it several times in advance to find out how your body is going to cope with it.  If you’re really just worried about pre-wedding jitters — try yoga.  Or breathing techniques.  Or having a mimosa.  Don’t steal your mom’s Valium.  Because taking a psychotropic drug for normal jitters is like taking Vicodin for a stubbed toe…complete overkill.